


Meddling Besties

by uofmdragon



Series: CC Trope Bingo [3]
Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Bookstore, Alternate Universe - Dentist, Carol is along for the ride, M/M, Melinda likes to meddle in Phil's life, Natasha likes to meddle in Clint's life, Phil's a nerd, Shiny Purple Pants
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-28
Updated: 2019-09-28
Packaged: 2020-10-30 00:17:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,424
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20805377
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/uofmdragon/pseuds/uofmdragon
Summary: When Melinda finds out that Phil has a hots for her teammate, she decides to do something about it.





	Meddling Besties

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the CC-trope bingo. I used and AU generator, one of which was the Bookstore. The second, well, you'll need to read for the second.
> 
> Beta by lapillus.

Phil eyes the arena, before heading in. He never was able to get here early, but Melinda had joined a team and here he was the supportive friend. Of course, the game was already in progress when he entered. He watched as skaters moved around the track, skimming to see. No, not on the rink. He glanced around, looking for the familiar…

"Phil-o-titties!" a voice called to his left.

Sighing, Phil turned and headed to the waving scarred man. "Wade."

"You're late," Wade said.

"I'm aware."

"Did I miss anything?"

"Nope, our Agents won the first jam and got a hunk of points."

Phil nodded, attention going back to the rink as he watched Melinda in her Mayday outfit trying to make it through the pack. Her outfit was a bit more conservative, something about avoiding rinkrash. Phil didn't get it, but he came, he cheered. He lusted after one of May's co-ed teammates, because damn those were some nice shoulders. Actually, May's team was filled with gorgeous people and tended to play other gorgeous people. Still, his eye continually went to the shoulders of the purple clad ass - Hawkeye. 

"They shuffled the line up again, Colossus was skating with Mac N Cheese, instead of Quicksilver."

"Which means?"

Wade sighed, going into a long winded speech about that it meant for the Agents of Derby and how the X-Skates would never do this, but they also hadn't been able to put it together for this season.

Roller Derby, Phil decided, was just as drama filled as any other sport, but it seemed like more of it happened behind the scenes. Phil enjoyed sports, but he never thought that he'd ever go to a Roller Derby game, much less regularly attend them. Of course, he hadn't expected Melinda 'I'm thinking of being a stay at home mom' May to join a team and drag him to a match, especially a few months after the baby was born. Of course, he also hadn't expected to fall in utter lust with Hawkeye's shoulders and ass. The man wore glittery purple face paint to every match. He looked like Furiousa's gay brother or something. To be fair the face paint did match his purple clad pants. The team all wore black shirts with white numbers and black helmets and pads.

The ninety seconds ended and the skaters shifted with Melinda going toward the bench and Hawkeye coming off. This was the more seasoned shift? Pack? Phil had no idea what to call it, though he'd probably have put Cap-wolf with Hawkeye, but Cap-wolf seemed to work fairly well with Falcon. Phil glanced over at the bench. Okay, so maybe that wasn't an option, because those two weren't there. It was an amateur league and pay to play, so Phil supposed they had other things to do. Along with Hawkeye and Colusseus involved Marvel and Widow as the jammer and pivot, which was definitely their strongest line up. 

He watched the game, distracted when Melinda was out, because Hawkeye was sitting and generally animated on the bench. Wade had chosen seats allowed Phil to spend too much watching the play of muscle of those arms as he gestured. Muscles that were very distracting when he should be watching Melinda skate.

When the game to the end with the Agents of Derby winning, Phil said his good-bye to Wade and headed home. He could stay and wait for Melinda, but she would be heading home to Andrew immediately. He'd see her tomorrow at the office.

*

"I'm surprised that you've come to so many games," Melinda said, dropping into her chair across from his. They shared an office to do paperwork between their patients. They both worked Fury Dental, which had recently added their fourth dentist. Phil knew Melinda's derby adventure was due to Carol Danvers. Carol was supposed to be temporary covering Melinda's maternity leave, but Fury had to decide to make her a permanent hire. 

"Well, I know Andrew can't make it, because he's taking care of Sky. I thought you might like the support."

"So it has nothing to do you with you drooling over my teammate's ass?" Melinda asked, looking sharp.

Phil was flabbergasted. 

"Deadpool used to skate."

"Deadpool?" Phil arched an eyebrow.

"Wade? You sit next to him at the games? He skated under the name Deadpool until his cancer came back," Melinda explained. "He coached last year, but his team fell apart, and Colossus joined us as well."

Phil nodded. "He never mentioned it to me."

"Yeah, Colossus told me after I saw you sitting next to him multiple times."

"Wade is very friendly and has taken me under his wing to explain Roller Derby." Phil paused almost afraid to ask. "Did he say, which ass?"

Melinda's eyebrow rose. "What do you think?"

It was possible to figure out with all the switching around they were doing with the blockers and Phil wasn't sure if there was someone that skated with Hawkeye all the time. "There's thirteen players, because I'm not staring at you. You're a married woman and my best friend."

Melinda smirked. "Were you planning on traveling for us play against the Skaters of the Galaxy next week? You car is nicer and I might as well ride with you."

Phil considered it, before shaking his head. "I wasn't planning on it, but if you need me as a ride. I can make arrangements."

"I will," Melinda said. "Though I'm hesitant now to ask you to go out of your way."

"Since when?" Phil asked.

"Since, Sky got a hold of that book you loaned me and…"

"My copy of Good Omens?"

"Yeah…."

"What did she do?"

"Destroyed it," Melinda said, frowning.

Phil frowned. "You promised…"

"I know," Melinda said, leaning over and grabbing Phil's hand. "I'm sorry, I looked away for a few minutes."

"It was autographed," Phil said. He pushed away from his desk. He needed to take a walk. It was an accident, he knew that, but if he stayed he might say something he'd regret.

"I'm sorry," Melinda said as he walked out of the room. "I've already started looking for another autographed copy."

Phil waved her off, slipping from the room. He should never have loaned it. He'd been hesitant to do it and had offered to buy her a copy, but she'd promised to take care of it. Melinda was so typically so responsible. 

*

Phil wandered into a new and used bookstore, _Booked on a Feelings_. It was fourth on the list of possible bookstores that Melinda had compiled and the second that he was visiting. He stepped into the space and glanced around. There was a small cafe to one side, which also seemed to double as the register. There was a sign that said, Ring Bell for Service or Just Yell Help Really Loud! Next to the cafe were books in glass case. Probably rare first editions, at least that was Phil's guess based on the price. His eyes landed on a first edition _Game of Thrones_. Next to it was _The Colour of Magic_ and well, if Melinda has ruined his copy of Good Omens, maybe another Pratchett novel could replace it.

"They're signed, too," a voice from behind him said.

Phil turned to see a dark haired man wearing a purple t-shirt that read "Fight Evil! Read Books!" The sleeves were tight around the man's muscular arms. He had a warm smile and his eyes were bright. "Are they?"

"Yeah, would you like to see?" the man asked, unclipping a set of keys from his belt loop. 

"Um, yes," Phil said, stepping aside, taking in the man's profile. His nose looked like it'd been broken and reset. There was some slight wrinkles around his face. 

"Which one?"

"Colour of Magic," Phil said. "My friend's daughter destroyed my autographed copy of _Good Omens_"

The man winced. "Ouch." He looked over at Phil, offering the book. "And you don't want to replace that?"

"I do, but… Maybe I can get a different Pratchett autograph and get someplace to get Gaiman to sign something else," Phil explained, taking the book and carefully looking at the autograph.

"Yeah, signed copies of Good Omens are in demand right now," the man said. "I know I don't have any in stock right now, but I could reach out to some contacts. See if they know any sellers…?"

Phil looked up and nodded. "Well, that's more helpful than the last place. They just about laughed me out the door. Offered me a new copy."

"I can do that, too," the man said. "Get you a new copy, I mean. Not laugh, because that is not funny."

"I'm aware," Phil agreed. "This looks right at least."

"I've got paperwork of authenticity for them and I've got a good eye for spotting forgeries myself. Actually that's part of our business and helps to keep the doors open."

"No one shops local anymore," Phil said with a soft sigh. "Fucking Amazon."

The man grinned. "You said it, not me." He paused, leaning in. "But I've thought it."

Phil smiled at him. "Uh, Phil Coulson and I would very much appreciate if you could see about a replacement."

"Clint Barton," the man said, extending his hand. "You want to buy that in the meantime?"

Phil considered his spending for his collection and shook his head mournfully. "No, I need to talk to Melinda. My friend and find out what she's able to do and wants to do first. It's not in this month's fun budget, but if I stop now, I might have enough next month…" Phil handed the book back.

Clint nodded, taking it back and putting it back in the case and locking the door. 

Phil gave it one last lingering look. 

"So can I get your number?"

Phil's eyes went back to Clint, surprised by the change in topic. 

Clint blushed slightly. "To call about the _Good Omens_."

"Um, yes," Phil said.

"Come on over to the desk, so I can fill out your information," Clint said, beckoning him toward the front. 

Phil fell into step next to him. "Have you been here long?"

"Store has been here longer than us," Clint said. "We bought it from the previous owner, but they'd not done much upkeep? And used a different name, we did a big remodel and renamed."

Phil nodded and considered where it was. "Oh, did the previous owner have dogs? That pissed in the store"

"Yeah," Clint said, reluctantly. "Hence the remodel. Needed to get the smell out."

"And I had the place written off, because of the dog piss."

"Understandable," Clint said. "Glad you decided to give us another chance."

"I wasn't paying attention. Melinda gave me a list of possible stores. She didn't have time to call around, so I decided to visit."

"Still, glad you came in." 

Clint pulled out a sheet of paper and started writing. "How do you spell Coulson."

Phil answered him and they went back and forth until the sheet was filled out.

"I'll give you a call when I find out anything, Mr. Coulson."

"Phil, please," Phil requested. "Thank you so much."

"I'm happy to help," Clint replied. 

Phil nodded. The man was handsome and friendly, but he was working, so… He was just doing his job. "I hope to hear from you soon." Phil said and retreated, before he did something embarrassing like hit on the guy. 

*

Somehow, Phil had become Melinda's ride to and from the out of town Derbies. Well, Melinda and Carol, because Carol worked with them. He'd taken them to matches against Academy of Skaters, Defenders of Derby, and the Ass-Guardians. The Agents of Derby would be facing Alpha Skate. Why Nick was willing to give all of them time off to do this was surprising, but Nick was a good person and wanted them to be happy. 

Phil had heard from Clint as well in the following weeks. That he had a lead on one and was working on it, but it seemed like as soon as Clint heard of it, it was being sold. Their phone calls were short and to the point with the occasional comment about their lives dropped in. Phil had discovered that Clint was a dog person, but his partner had brought in a shop cat that liked to jump out and surprise Clint. He also discovered that Clint sounded groggy in the morning and more alert in the afternoon, Phil suspected that was coffee was at play. He'd discovered that Clint's partner was named Natasha, that they had a computer specialist working for them by the name of Daisy, and Clint had an odd relationship with a girl named Kate. Kate appeared to work for both sides of Clint's business or worked for one, but meddled in the other a lot. Phil was unsure, because he really only could hear Clint and hear Kate talking in the background. 

Phil was unsurprised when Carol showed up in Melinda's and Phil's office as they were backing up to leave. "Widow's car broke down. Can you fit two more Phil?"

"As long as both aren't built like you," Phil said.

Carol's eyes narrowed.

"You're big and muscly, Melinda's wiry!" Phil defended himself. "Three of you will have to squeeze in the back."

"We can manage," Melinda said. "Do we need to pick them up?"

"Yep," Carol said, texting on her phone.

"Then get your stuff, we need to go now," Melinda said.

"What stuff?" Carol asked, arching an eyebrow.

"She stole my keys at lunch. Her gear is in the car." Phil said, because Carol playing dumb after having already done something was an annoying game that she liked to play and Melinda usually fell for it. Phil had more time to get used to Carol's.. Carol-ness.

"I didn't steal them," Carol objected.

"You leaned in while I was with a patient and said, I'm taking your keys a few minutes," Phil said. "You didn't ask, that's stealing."

"I gave 'em back."

Phil sighed, tucking his hung up suit into the closet. He'd changed into something more Derby appropriate. The three of them headed out, pausing to let their office manager, Maria know that they were leaving. She absently wished the ladies, 'good luck.' 

It was outside that Phil glanced at them. "Did you ever ask Maria to join?"

"Yes," Carol said. "She's prefers ice to floors."

"Meaning?"

"She plays hockey," Melinda said. 

"Ah," Phil said, nodding as they loaded into his car. Carol took a seat in the front seat and started guiding him to wherever Widow lived. When they got there, Carol got out and went into a building and Melinda followed. 

Phil waited in his car until Melinda opened the passenger door. "Open the back." She shut the door again.

"Alright." He hit the button and the back lifted up. A quick glance showed them dropping off gear bags. Sighing, Phil waited until the doors opened again. Phil glanced over to the passenger seat to meet Clint's eyes. He felt himself straighten up in the seat. "Clint!"

Clint smiled slowly as he slid into the seat. "Hey, Phil. You know Mayhem and Marvel?"

"Yeah," Phil nodded, glancing back to see a third woman now in the middle of the seat. Melinda giving Phil a smug smile. Phil's eyes narrowed slightly, he'd been played. He'd been played hard.

"Oh, that's Tasha aka Widow," Clint said. "My partner."

"Nice to meet you," Phil said, glancing in the mirror. "Everyone buckled up."

"Yes, Phil," Carol said. 

Phil put the car into gear and headed into traffic. "So… how do you know Mayhem and Marvel?"

"We all work for the same dental office," Phil replied.

"You're all dentists?" Clint repeated, glancing back toward the ladies.

"Yep," Carol replied.

"Carol was supposed to just cover Melinda's maternity leave, but Fury decided to keep her on," Phil explained.

"Who is Fury, because that sounds like an awesome Derby name?" Clint asked.

"He's our boss, since he owns the practice," Phil explained. "And that's his actual last name, technically he's Dr. Fury, but everyone calls him Fury."

Clint nodded.

Phil hesitated. "So you're a…"

"Derby Skater?" Clint finished. "Yeah! Have a problem with that?"

"No, because Carol and Melinda would kick my ass if I did."

"I guess my question is more, do you have a problem with a male derby skater?"

Phil shook his head. "What you choose to do in your free time isn't really my place to judge." He could feel Clint's eyes on him, but he focused on the road and getting through traffic.

"You come to our matches often?" Clint asked.

"A few," Phil said, trying to play casual.

It failed, because Melinda snorted. "He's been to all of them. Claims it's because Andrew can't, but I have other theories."

"Theories you can keep to yourself," Phil said, glaring at her reflection in the rearview mirror. Melinda did not look impressed.

"Unless, she's already shared them," Natasha said, speaking up for the first time.

And oh, oh… Yes, things suddenly made sense. Phil's eyes narrowed as he looked at Melinda in the mirror. "That book better be on my desk tomorrow morning."

"What if I'm not finished?" Melinda asked.

"I don't care. The Library of Phil is closed. I'm sure Clint can find you a copy."

"Find her a copy of what?" Clint asked. "Please don't tell me you want me to find another copy of _Good Omens_. I've been trying, but someone keeps forgetting to give me my messages."

"No worries, Clint," Phil said. He'd be buying something from Clint to make it up to the poor man, who'd clearly become a pawn in Melinda's attempt to set Phil up. Though it was obvious now that Clint and Hawkeye were the same person and Phil had lusted after many of Clint's physical attributes. The good news was that Clint clearly had some interest in men, whether or not that meant men like Phil, well… Phil would have to try and find out. Probably on the car ride home, since he had a feeling that the women would all find other rides home, so it would just be him and Clint on the way back. Phil was going to need to stop at several toy shops to find the loudest, most annoying toys to give Melinda. Thou does not pretend that an autographed copy of Good Omens gets destroyed for weeks. 

*

"Hey," Clint said, softly, wrapping on the window.

Phil jerked awake from the light doze he'd fallen into while waiting for the team to finish up. He hit the unlock button and reached down to find the lever to have his seat straighten back out. Clint opened the backseat, tossing his bag back.

Phil resisted the urge to roll his eyes. "Ladies get a ride with someone else?"

"Uh, yeah. How'd you know?" Clint asked, climbing into the front seat.

"I had a feeling they were going to pull this," Phil admitted, turning the car on. "Melinda and Carol were not as subtle as they thought they were."

"I'm very confused," Clint said.

"So, I've been sitting next to Wade. He's got a derby name…"

"Deadpool?"

Phil nodded. "That's it, who apparently noticed that I was checking out someone on the team."

Clint's eyes narrowed. "Suddenly, Natasha's failure to give me messages about an autographed Good Omens makes sense. You think your book is okay?"

Phil nodded. "At least, I know longer believe its accidental."

"Harsh, but fair," Clint agreed. "So you were checking me out?"

Phil bit his lip. "Your derby pants do wonders for your ass."

"Thanks," Clint said. "You look good in a suit. Don't mind the suede jacket either."

Phil glanced over at him, though he could feel his cheeks heat. "So… I'm assuming you like guys?"

Clint grinned. "Yeah. You?"

Phil nodded, going to start the car. "Wanna grab dinner on the way back?"

"Fuck yeah, I'm starved!"

"Something you want in particular?" Phil asked.

"Burgers, like… wasn't there a Five Guys like halfway?"

"Maybe," Phil said, he couldn't remember. He reached over to grab his phone and enter it into the Maps search. He nodded as it came up, just like Clint said. Slightly less than halfway, but close enough. He put the it in the directions, so he wouldn't forget. Then he started the car up and put in drive to head out of the parking lot.

"So you're a dentist that sounds… boring," Clint said, wincing slightly.

Phil nodded. "I wish it was more boring, but you never know what's going to be in someone's mouth."

"Okay, how about disgusting."

"Yeah," Phil nodded. "But it's a job that needs to be done."

"So, what else do you like to do?" Clint asked. "You're a reader and a collector."

"Not just of books, I have lots of memorabilia, mostly sci-fi and fantasy related, but some sports stuff as well. What about you? Anything besides derby?"

"Archery."

"That explains those shoulders," Phil muttered to himself. Apparently, he wasn't quiet enough, because Clint started laughing. "I've got a few bow replicas at home. I think they're shit for actual shooting."

Clint snort-laughed. "Probably. You kind of by-passed my question though."

"I'm geeky. I get my rage out trying to kill my friend's dungeon and dragon's characters."

"Seriously?" Clint asked.

Phil nodded. "At least once a month, but I also run and do some brazilian jiu jitsu."

"Really?"

"Yep."

"Any non-active hobbies?" Phil asked.

"Reading, but that kind of goes with the job," Clint said. "I do make up for some of the local theatres and work the stage crew. They keep trying to get me on stage, but not so much. Uh, Tasha thinks I should be in band, because I play lots of instruments."

"Really?"

Clint nodded. "Guitar, piano, drums."

"You sound like you lead an active life."

"I do," Clint agreed. "Ever married?"

"Engaged once, but mutual break up. You?"

"Once, my ex is on the team. I've got a kid."

"Good to know," Phil said, mentally filing that away.

"It's kind of a deal breaker to some people, so…"

"Not to me," Phil said, glancing at him. He could just catch the small smile on Clint's face as he said that, before looking back at the road. "Working with your ex?"

"Mutual divorce, it wasn't working. Papers were signed and like a week later, she found out she was pregnant. We've been co-parenting ever since and tri-parenting since she entered into a long-term relationship with her beau."

Phil nodded. "That's nice. My ex lives on the other side of the country, which is why we broke it off. She wanted to move. I didn't."

"Well, their loss may be my gain."

"You sound awfully cocky," Phil said, unable to help the grin.

"Phil, I don't call customers as much as I call you with updates," Clint said. "I was trying to figure out if you were interested in guys like me."

"Ah," Phil said. "And if it isn't clear, very interested."

"Good to know. So, you're nerdy… Star Wars or Star Trek?"

"Both. You?"

"Star Wars, but only slightly. Uh, Best Batman?"

Phil hummed as he considered the answer. "Grew up with West and the animated series, so I think I have to go there."

"Same, though I thought Bale did an excellent job."

"Agreed. Best Doctor?"

"Nine," Clint replied. "But I'm New Who biased. Best companion?"

Phil hummed. "Donna or Martha… or Jack. You?"

"I kind of like the new group, but Wilfred."

"He wasn't technically a companion though."

"Still have to throw him out there."

"I guess," Phil agreed.

"Critical Role or The Adventure Zone?"

"Both! For very different reasons. Critical Role is very based in the rules. McElroy brothers like to exploit those rules as much as possible. Spell slots? Eh, who needs those?"

Clint chuckled next to him. "Probably why the Adventure Zone has gone away from classic D&D."

"Yeah."

They fell silent for a bit with only the sounds of the car filling the space. At least, until Clint started speaking again. "So, dealbreaker question."

"Hmm?"

"How do you feel about revenge?"

Phil glanced over at him, noting the slight smirk on his face. The challenge in his eyes. "What'd you have in mind?"

"While I appreciate their efforts, because you are out of my league."

"Have you looked at me?" Phil muttered.

"You're no slouch in the looks," Clint argued. He shook his head. "Regardless, I appreciate their efforts. However, I don't appreciate their meddling."

"I don't appreciate Melinda lying to me about my book," Phil said.

"I say we didn't get along tonight."

Phil glanced over at him. "Totally hate one another, never want to see each other again?"

"Exactly, make them think they failed."

Phil considered. "They're going to figure it out eventually."

"I know, but for a bit. I mean, I was thinking I'd get you your book, impress you, and then tempt you with something else as I tried to figure out if you liked guys."

Phil smiled. "I was thinking I'd stop to pick it up on my way to The Pink Note and mention that's where I was headed. I figured it would be a nice hint."

"Oo, that's the classy gay club" Clint murmured. "Yeah. You weren't going to ask me?"

"I was a customer! Salespeople have to be nice!"

"You know Tasha and I own the place, right?"

"I know that now! Still didn't want to be like the skeevy guys on the 'net."

"Fair," Clint said.

"And Melinda could have just told me that she found a shop with rare autographed books. I would have found a way to let you know I'm gay and not opposed to dating you. Might have taken a bit longer."

Clint grinned. "So, telling them we hate each other?"

"Sounds good, whoever's bestie realizes we're lying first buys for our first public date," Phil said.

"Bestie?"

"Melinda or Natasha," Phil clarified. "I'm not sure how invested Carol actually is in this."

"But if Carol figures it out and tells Melinda..."

"She might tell Natasha first," Phil pointed out. "She's been on the Derby team longer, but she works at the office."

Clint was quiet, before nodding. "Deal. We paying for ourselves tonight then?"

Phil nodded. 

"This should be interesting," Clint said, leaning back into his seat. 

"Very interesting," Phil agreed, smiling as he looked at the road ahead of them.


End file.
